Attention Whorism (Bullshytitis Symptom)

Attention whorism is a debilitating disease associated with bullshytitis. It’s 298.9 in the ICD-9 as a subclass of ailments that isn’t covered by any insurance plan, and is also incurable by traditional methods. It is an insistent disease only treated by ignoring or extremely aggressive methods pertaining to eradication; i.e. telling said sufferer to shut the f*ck up. Unfortunately, aggressive methods of eradication usually result in severance of work agreement and quite often subjects one to human resources disciplinary action. Only use the aggressive treatments when in dire straights, such as being subjected to possible infection of disease.



Symptoms present as annoying whining about any and everything. In the workplace, it shows as those persons who always have some kind of tragedy befalling them or their household. One would think the Lord had rained down some kind of plague of locusts and boils on them for all the ailments they have…and feel they must share the chronicles of their calamities daily. Attention Whores are also those who think they know everything and weigh in on all subject matter – whether they are invited into a conversation or not.

The worst and most tragic display of Attention Whorism is those presented by persons in authority. They are usually a regional manager or in some kind of hefty position of power, and attempt to be approachable and friendly. Beware! These attention whores use half assed jokes and inquire about your life in an effort to seem genuinely concerned about your well-being. They send out emails about how wonderful the team is doing. They ask you about children and family members. They walk around the office and are unusually cheerful. They usually are not your immediate sup or manager. It’s the sup/manager’s boss, and since they are out of touch with the real needs of their subordinates, they seek to soothe their conscious (as well as spy on observe employees). This practice has an official term, condoned and practiced by most management circles today. It’s referred to as MBO (management by observation) or MWA (management by walking around). It’s plain and simply a tactic to disarm one into thinking management really cares. Do not be sucked in. This is an attempt to gauge your internet usage and productivity. This also gauges your ability to multitask. If you can do more than chew bubble gum, type, and talk, you will be asked to participate in more projects without recognition and pay. If not, you may be subject to the first ‘waves’ of layoffs.

Of course, I have a person of authority in my temporary workplace who presents with these symptoms. Although my official workday begins at 6am, I am not fully awake. I am usually forced to hear this big mouthed person at 7am. He likes to walk around, make small talk, and generally rile up the troops at o’early thrity. Who needs that? Generally, to combat this particular disease ridden pest, I plug up my headphones and turn up the volume. Or I go on a coffee run. Depending on his need for my particular brand of attention, he will circle back when he believes I’ve returned to my desk to ask me a dumb question…or a call/response type deal. Call response is when he says something, and will then ask ‘Isn’t that right, Chick?’ …knowing fully that I am not paying attention to his ass. I respond by saying ‘Yeah. Whatever you say.’ In this environment, I’ve refrained from such endearments such as ‘big daddy’, ‘pimp’, and ‘task master’. Somehow, I don’t think he’d like my terms of endearment.