Bullshyt Abounds With Sucky Companies

So, I'm back.  It took awhile because the bullshyt place I was working let me go on account of some hot bullshyt.  They entire way they let me go was some bullshyt.  How was that, you ask?  Lemme give you the rundown:

Chick had a vacation day scheduled.  It happened to be on a Friday.  Now...Chick ain't stupid.  She knew some organizational changes were going to happen that meant she was going eventually get booted.  However, I would have liked the courtesy of being told when.  I knew the company was totally bogus on keeping its word to hire me permanently after hiring two other people to do the job I was doing and had full knowledge of.  At least we know Chick ain't too bamboozled or stupid.  Anyway, I the day I scheduled off was a Friday.  That Thursday, I had the feeling I needed to take all of my stuff with me.  After five months at this place, I knew it wasn't a good fit for me anyway, and I ceased to apply for jobs there.  I had accumulated a mass o' crap:  mugs, flatware, shoes (kept them under my desk so I didn't have to wear heels to work), snacks, and the general assorted bs.  I was never quite comfortable enough to bring a pic of my children to work...besides, they were on my cell, which was enough for me.  Something kept telling me to take my stuff home.  And I was, little by little. All that week though, it was a nagging feeling, and I got quite a bit out without looking suspicious.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I had a GREAT time with the BFF, caught a movie, had breakfast, visited friends.  Hated to see the weekend end.  Monday, I made the 30 mile (one way) trek to work.  I didn't have a badge to get inside the building, so I did what I would normally do:  called a permanent coworker to let me in at o'dark thirty.  While I waited for entrance, I noticed there was a box o' stuff at the receptionists desk.  I noticed there were some rather nice napkins and a mug that...wait....you guessed it...was mine.  The coworker let me in.  I asked him if I had been fired.  He looked so bewildered, I knew he had no idea what was going on.  Pretty soon other coworkers came downstairs.  I had picked up my stuff and they ALL asked where the hell I was going.  I told them that I had been let go, and instead of waiting around to confirm it, I was going home. Didn't matter, I was tired anyway.  We exchanged phone numbers and email addy's and I was up and out.

I was heated, of course.  Not because I had been kicked off the plantation.  I was pissed the eff off because I put 60 miles on the Escape I didn't have to and got out of my warm, cozy bed simply bc I didn't get a phone call from the agency or the company in a timely manner.  All day, those coworkers who had my phone number called me and told me they had no idea I was being let go.  We met up for a happy hour, including the person who took over my job.  They didn't even know they were taking over my routes until that morning when they showed up.  Management kept EVERYONE in the dark about what was going on...or at least those people who knew me. 

So, that was the end of that gig.  Bullshyt?  Definitely.  But it gets worse.  I applied for unemployment.  The unemployment folks effed up and gave me more money than they ever should have in 2009.  I tried to give it back.  Filled out the appropriate forms, bought a cashiers check and took it directly to the cashier in person and explaiend what happened.  They would NOT take my money at the end of 2009.  So, I did what anyone would do.  I spent that ish!  I had a letter confirming I didn't owe them anything.  Lo and behold, I got dinged for it when I applied this year for unemployment.  Two unemployment checks worth.  In the meantime, an agency I registered with called me for a position that I didn't feel comfortable with because I didn't have the expertise, which I explained to them, and also because it didn't pay enough money.  The biyatch at the agency neglected to note I said I didn't feel comfortable with the job description and instead put that I turned it down solely based on pay.  So my unemployment was denied.  I have appealed the decision, sent in paperwork, and was supposed to hear from them last Thursday.  THEY NEVER CALLED ME!!!!

Meanwhile a branch of the same agency called me up for a position about 20 miles from where I lived.  It didn't pay as much as I would have liked, but it was something I could work with, so I wound up agreeing to interview.  I got the job, and it's an indefinite time assignment.  Who knows when it will end.  But I'll still keep looking.  My 24 y/o trainer sucks.  It's in an industry I've never been in before, and she explains stuff like I should just know what it is.  A lot of my job is based on the industry knowledge, even though it's just running reports.  I don't get it, so the last week of my life has been trying to wrap my mind around the rationale for these reports.  Everyone praises the person who was there prior to me bc she built the reports in excel, but the truth of the matter is there is a lot of unnecessary work.  She should have built a database so her job wouldn't have taken that long, but then again...that's the bullshyt of job security. 

I guess I should shet the eff up and be happy I have somewhere to work while I'm waiting on unemployment to do what they do...and I can pay my bills, although I can't have too much fun on this salary.  Anyway,  that's all for this bullshyt installment. 

I'll update on the newest bullshyt news going on.

Attention Whorism (Bullshytitis Symptom)

Attention whorism is a debilitating disease associated with bullshytitis. It’s 298.9 in the ICD-9 as a subclass of ailments that isn’t covered by any insurance plan, and is also incurable by traditional methods. It is an insistent disease only treated by ignoring or extremely aggressive methods pertaining to eradication; i.e. telling said sufferer to shut the f*ck up. Unfortunately, aggressive methods of eradication usually result in severance of work agreement and quite often subjects one to human resources disciplinary action. Only use the aggressive treatments when in dire straights, such as being subjected to possible infection of disease.



Symptoms present as annoying whining about any and everything. In the workplace, it shows as those persons who always have some kind of tragedy befalling them or their household. One would think the Lord had rained down some kind of plague of locusts and boils on them for all the ailments they have…and feel they must share the chronicles of their calamities daily. Attention Whores are also those who think they know everything and weigh in on all subject matter – whether they are invited into a conversation or not.

The worst and most tragic display of Attention Whorism is those presented by persons in authority. They are usually a regional manager or in some kind of hefty position of power, and attempt to be approachable and friendly. Beware! These attention whores use half assed jokes and inquire about your life in an effort to seem genuinely concerned about your well-being. They send out emails about how wonderful the team is doing. They ask you about children and family members. They walk around the office and are unusually cheerful. They usually are not your immediate sup or manager. It’s the sup/manager’s boss, and since they are out of touch with the real needs of their subordinates, they seek to soothe their conscious (as well as spy on observe employees). This practice has an official term, condoned and practiced by most management circles today. It’s referred to as MBO (management by observation) or MWA (management by walking around). It’s plain and simply a tactic to disarm one into thinking management really cares. Do not be sucked in. This is an attempt to gauge your internet usage and productivity. This also gauges your ability to multitask. If you can do more than chew bubble gum, type, and talk, you will be asked to participate in more projects without recognition and pay. If not, you may be subject to the first ‘waves’ of layoffs.

Of course, I have a person of authority in my temporary workplace who presents with these symptoms. Although my official workday begins at 6am, I am not fully awake. I am usually forced to hear this big mouthed person at 7am. He likes to walk around, make small talk, and generally rile up the troops at o’early thrity. Who needs that? Generally, to combat this particular disease ridden pest, I plug up my headphones and turn up the volume. Or I go on a coffee run. Depending on his need for my particular brand of attention, he will circle back when he believes I’ve returned to my desk to ask me a dumb question…or a call/response type deal. Call response is when he says something, and will then ask ‘Isn’t that right, Chick?’ …knowing fully that I am not paying attention to his ass. I respond by saying ‘Yeah. Whatever you say.’ In this environment, I’ve refrained from such endearments such as ‘big daddy’, ‘pimp’, and ‘task master’. Somehow, I don’t think he’d like my terms of endearment.

Overqualified

Overqualified: (Defined) 

You have years of excellent, prudent, and position related experience.  This is further proven by the stack of reference letters you have from prior supervisors (sup's [soopz], as I call them), co-workers (co-peeps), and bullshyt organizations you were forced to join, but now find it is necessary to make you appear connected  all of whom respect you and will vouch for you not only via letter, but also via email, phone, and in some cases, text format.  You have one or two valid degrees, or several relevant certifications.  And you listed it on the resume.


What it means when they say you're overqualified:


(a) You actually took the time to put all the correct buzz words on your resume to appear to be a match, had a decent phone interview, but aren't quite desperate enough to work there.


(b) The company cannot afford to pay you what you're worth.  They know if they hire you for this bullshyt position which, coincidentally, does not pay well, you'll be outta there on the first bus to somewhere better within six months when the market bounces back.


(c) You don't fit the corporate culture because they can already tell you refuse to tolerate whatever crap de jour they decide to serve up on a whim.  You are a fierce documenter, stealthy observer and will sue the hell outta this company.  They already know you will have the HR policies memorized by the first week. 


(d)  You asked interview questions the interviewer (your potential future sup) wasn't prepared to answer, had no idea about, AND you made them uncomfortable with your research/analytical skills.  You are smarter than them, and will definitely speak up to take credit for your own ideas.  How else will they retain their job? We can't have nunna THAT.  They will not be replaced!


(e)  They've already chosen someone for the job, and are interviewing because it's corporate policy.  The 'candidate' is a person who is already employed there and doesn't do shyt. However, the 'candidate' needs to make even MORE money and have a better title because it's the CEO's baby mama/daddy's cousin's friend who has pics of them and the side piece in Cancun during Spring Break 2002!  It doesn't matter that everyone, including the spouses or significant others of said CEO (or other management figures), already know about this.  It's just good not to let the pictures circulate on the net.  They have an image to protect.  Yes, they're being blackmailed.  The side piece was under 18 at the time.


(f)  You are much too together.  You don't appear to be dumb enough.  They ain't ready for you.  Try again when you're more desperate and can play the part of dumb blonde better.

Introduction

Hi.  My name is Midwest Chick.  I am a 35 year old Midwesterner who was laid off from a job exactly one year ago today.  I have over ten years of cumulative experience doing varied things:  project management, human resources, sales, office support, operations - you name it, I've done it.  And I've done it for both small and large (Fortune 500) companies.  And, I did it so well, people never wanted me to leave.  I like growth, so that is why I would leave companies.  I had the 'do the job too well' syndrome...and it's a real ambition killer.  So.... I've never had a problem with getting a job...until now. 

In this economy, it is a business market, meaning, the businesses have the advantage.  They can pick and choose from literally thousands desperate people vying for the same job. He or she who is willing to accept 25k for a 50k job is s/he who gets job. Good, loyal, and extremely competent workers can be dismissed under the labels of 'layoff', 'downsize', 'buyout', 'separation agreements', and several creative terms that all amount to:  you're too expensive and we cannot afford you. Or in the real laymens terms:  we can get two people to do more work than you can do...and pay them both what we paid for your single salary. Back in the day, one could be dismissed from a job because they were incompetent (though it rarely ever happened), or because they simply didn't have enough black mail info on their superiors.  Now it's experience, salary, age, and health issues that gets one canned. 

As a result of these conditions, I am underemployed.  What is underemployment you ask?  Underemployment is when you're working beneath a satisfactory level in terms of salary, working conditions, and job satisfaction.  I am underemployed working at a company that is physically repulsive and reminds me of a prison.  It's gray, with high cubicle walls, and very little opportunities to be social.  Think of the movie office space and you've got where I work.  Did I mention this job is temporary?

I landed this form of slavery job long term assignment for a rather well known company on a temp assignment.  I was only supposed to be there for a week or two, and it turned into a month while I was waiting to begin another contract assignment.  The year long contract assignment would provide me with experience in the field I have my undergraduate degree in.  Long story short?  The manager of the department liked my performance so well, they wanted to bring me in permanently.  Of course, I was delighted.  The problem was, they couldn't bring me in for a month or two.  At the end of the day, I needed money, so I went to my contract job.  I went through their training sessions, and was almost ready to begin working when the temp agency contacted me to let me know my prior assignment was interested in bringnig me on in the form of temp to hire status.  The deal was I had to work for a month as temp, then would be hired.  Catch?  My contract job was paying me closer to what I was making prior to being laid off.  At the time, I had been laid off for seven months.  Bills were finally getting paid down a bit.  The temp-to-hire opp(ortunity) had me intrigued...and after much careful consideration...I decided to leave my contract job, with their well wishes, written recommendations, and blessings to pursue what seemed to be paydirt.

Well.  We all know how THAT turned out don't we?  If we didn't, you wouldn't be reading this introduction into bullshyitis would you?